Saturday, October 15, 2016

Bulletin: Why The Religious Economy Isn't Working The Way Parishioners Wish

 Yellen: Recovery surprisingly slow ( Duh?)

Associated Press
WASHINGTON — Federal Reserve Chair Janet Yellen said Friday that the slow recovery from the recession has surprised economists, confounding long-held beliefs about growth and inflation...
The aftermath of the 2007-09 crisis has “revealed limits in economists’ understanding of the economy,” the Fed chair suggested.

Hereafter, witch doctors who use the size of goat brains, the look of calf livers, the stench of cat excrement , the brightness of moon phases and the heat of sun spots to forecast the working of our world famous market system will be relied on in the hopes of achieving more accuracy of just what market forces under minority control seeking nothing more or less than private profit can come up with for the successful future of, um, witch doctors and, um, economists.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Latest Shocking Trump Bulletins from The Garlic

Trump In Clown Garb Registers Illegal Immigrants

An anonymous source claims to have seen Donald Trump dressed as a very scary clown and herding frightened illegal immigrants to the polls after forcing them to register as his voters. He was laughing hideously all the while.
Details later.

Trump Accused of Lurid Sex Comments Watching Bill Cosby

Another anonymous source claims to have seen and heard Trump comment on wanting to have sex with various members of the Cosby TV family while watching reruns of the show.He was looking lustily and drooling all the while.
Details later.

Trump and Cosby Abuse Victims Unite for Class Action

Still another anonymous source – a legal and religious expert – prophesizes that the united victims will sue for billions and go to the Supreme Court if necessary. Trump looked terrified, ugly and unhinged all the time.
Details much later.

Trump Asks Putin & Assad How Hot Their Wives Are

Still another anonymous source –not the same as the other three, this one speaks Russian and Arabic – alleges that Trump asked both global mass murdering villains about their sex lives. He wanted explicit details and looked very horny and sexist and racist all the while.
More details much later.
Much much later.

The Garlic prides itself on using international morals-free paparazzi media sources, all of them college graduates and sworn to secrecy lest their alma maters suffer vicious definancialization after donors are incentivized to tell them to fuck off with that garbage, looking embarrassed all the while.  

Saturday, October 8, 2016

The Trump Phenomenon, as Seen From Europe

Brussels, Belgium.
The first thing to say about the U.S. presidential elections is that they are extremely anti-democratic. And here I’m not even talking about the manipulations that may have enabled Clinton to beat Sanders or about the fact that mainstream media spend their time deriding one candidate and covering up for the other. The most fundamentally anti-democratic aspect of the American elections is that a small fragment of humanity gets to elect someone who has an enormous influence over the rest of the world, someone who takes decisions that can drag us all into a generalized war, or at very least can aggravate tensions with Russia, Iran, and China, not to mention Syria, which are contrary to European interests.

From that point of view, Trump has an advantage over Clinton. That is, he says he wants to be President of the United States and not of the whole world, whereas she insists that the United States must exert world leadership.

Trump is berated as the latest incarnation of Evil (after Saddam, Gaddafi, Assad, the Brexiters): racist, sexist, Islamophobe, a friend of dictators, etc., in short the embodiment of all that arouses the righteous indignation of the human rights defenders.

I would like to suggest a different way of seeing Trump.  He is above all a capitalist, almost a caricature of the sort of man capitalism produces, encourages and celebrates. He makes money and is proud of it. For him, the bottom line is cost-benefit. Everything comes down to that ratio.  Defend the Baltic States?  What does it cost, what do we gain? Defend Japan?  What does it cost, what do we gain?

In his way, he is also patriotic.  Of course, not enough to pay taxes, or to pay his subcontractors if he can get out of it.  But he is no doubt seriously worried about the de-industrialization of the United States (a rational worry for a capitalist). He fancies he can solve the problem, in a capitalist way – making deals with the Chinese or with companies that take their jobs abroad.

As a capitalist, Trump succeeded. Of course, he didn’t start from nothing, but he considerably enlarged the fortune he inherited.  He did so by all sort of morally and legally doubtful methods. So what?  Are there many capitalists who get that rich otherwise?

It is almost laughable to see the horrified reaction of the respectable left (human rights defenders, feminists, anti-racists) to the sight of this phenomenon. After all, the respectable left is itself totally pro-capitalist, but it uses its own vocabulary to designate the system: free market, open society, liberalism.  But it accepts capitalism as essentially the end of history.  It directs its criticism solely against “exclusion”, whether due to supposed prejudice or rejection of immigrants, or against unfair competition.   But perfect competition would be a capitalist dream come true.

When the respectable left is faced with such a pure product of the system it defends (in its own way), that is, someone who is very calculating, vulgar, who says what comes to mind without concern for what is politically correct, all of which is fairly typical of a successful capitalist pleased with himself, we hear cries of dismay.

For that well-mannered left, the pro-capitalist discourse must be wrapped in sweet words, such as freedom, human rights, equality of opportunity, whereas the system as it is produces something quite different. Trump, for example.

The point at which the conflict between Trump and the pro-Clinton left, including the lesser-evilists, becomes interesting is the issue of war and peace.

Here too, Trump calculates: almost six trillion dollars spent on wars in the Middle East. And what do we have to show for it?  Practically nothing! Chinese companies among others exploit Iraqi oil without having spent a penny on those wars. The chaos in Libya or Syria is not profitable to anyone, notably not to oil companies (which profit from stability), while all reasonable capitalists are itching to do business with Iran and Russia.

Incidentally, even the anti-war left tends to get things wrong by attributing those wars to rational economic calculation.  In reality, those wars are motivated by a mixture of human rights ideology, determination to destroy Israel’s enemies and American ambition to exert world hegemony.

However, that ambition is not rational in economic terms.  It is expensive.  If you neglect the costs, it can seem rational. But Trump, as a genuine capitalist, doesn’t neglect them, and figures the whole enterprise is not worth it.  And there, he is absolutely right.  By the same token, he doesn’t see any good reason to launch a jihad against Russia, which is what is being done by the same ideologues who support the Middle East wars.  Russia is a capitalist country and someone like Trump can perfectly well make deals with the Russians.

What is fascinating about the Trump phenomenon is that those who denounce him as vulgar, dishonest, racist, and so on, have nevertheless to admit that his support comes from ordinary folks, inasmuch as all the media are against him, along with Wall Street, the Pentagon, and the left from Sanders to Chomsky. But the more violent that denunciation is, the more obvious becomes the total failure of the “third way”, or the “second left” (the Clintons, Blair, Zapatero, Schroeder, Jospin, Hollande, Renzi) which has totally lost popular support, and can now only rely on the support of the elites.

That “second left” has lost out because it is unable to solve economic problems due to its blind obedience to economic liberalism and because its international policy of endless interventions has only resulted in gigantic chaos, both in the Middle East and increasingly in Europe, by causing the refugee crisis.  Intensifying tension with Russia or insisting on overthrowing the Syrian government, no matter what the price, can only make matters worse.

Finally, that “third way” finds nothing better to do than to insult the people as being a mass of “deplorables”, as Hillary Clinton put it, thus digging itself deeper into a hole.

However “deplorable” he may be, the Trump phenomenon is a current form of “the revolt of the masses” faced with the failure of Western elites, supported by the “third way” left.

As for those of us in Europe, the issue is not to support either Trump or Clinton, since there is absolutely nothing we can do about it.  We need to wake up to our submission to the United States and try to free ourselves, which requires a long term effort at cultural, psychological and political liberation. From that angle, an eventual election of Trump could have a positive effect, at least in the short run, by the shock it would provoke among our America-idolizing media and political elites. But it’s up to ourselves to recapture our own independence.  That never comes from outside.

Translated by Diana Johnstone.

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Where’s Our Alt-Left? Serving Our Center-Right

With daily bulletins from consciousness control informing us of the dangers of electing a textbook capitalist as president while daily news of textbook capitalism’s increasing dangers to humanity go unreported, it is long past time for an “alt-left” to balance the “alt-right” which seems to represent the only organized critical voice in american politics.

An electorate is being forced to choose between a lesser evil representative of the rich with excrement clogging his brains and a lesser evil representative of the rich with pus clogging her veins, while a real alternative for the 90% is not allowed to debate them for fear she would attract millions of citizens desperate for change even if some are vague about what it should represent. But almost as bad is the fact that one of capitalism’s own, a multi-millionaire tv personality, is seen as a threat to the established order far beyond that represented by Bernie Sanders, a supposed socialist not remotely anti-capitalist and at best only a reviver of the FDR 20th century new deal that saved capitalism the last time it neared global collapse.

What’s going on here? Alleged progressives, even ( ssshhh) many leftists, are united with the american minority establishment in spreading fear that if Trump were elected a cherished american warfare state of neo-lib-con identity groups would be threatened with racism, sexism, poverty, war and other things never before experienced in the mental Disneyland where some progressive-regressives seem privileged to live.

How has a super wealthy individual member of a tiny minority, an example of all that is wrong with America, become a threat to a far more super wealthy tiny minority – 400+ billionaires - who are the greater example of all that is wrong with America? And how is it that only the Democratic Party establishment saw an alleged socialist as a threat, while both parties and the establishment they are employed by are up in arms about a true-blue died in the wool capitalist? Worse, supposed system critics and advocates of change – mostly psychological - are assigned the job of helping create a supposed anti-american monster whose arrogant, egoistic, individualist behavior all but scream the national anthem, the pledge of allegiance, the constitution, the lord’s prayer and hatikvah?

While polls are taken every fifteen minutes measuring everything from citizen’s hatred of Trump, devotion to pets and support of war against the world, we’ve yet to see a poll of the seven billion global inhabitants that asked which nation they found the most powerful, dangerous, obnoxious, egotistical and ignorant, to which the overwhelming response might be a unified chant of USA! USA! USA! so powerful earth might suffer a massive tsunami.

It would be difficult to conduct such a poll but easy to come to that conclusion if the plastic curtain enshrouding american consciousness were broken through enough to enable understanding of what we truly represent to the world, are doing to much of it, and why that is a threat to all of us and not just foreigners.

As paid critics and their amateur students excitedly inform us that Trump is hopefully becoming unhinged at shocking revelations of how he and other capitalists make money – who knew? - our alleged democratic government is becoming truly unhinged with reckless behavior that could provoke not only even bloodier war against an adversary we cannot dominate but worse, a nuclear confrontation. Russia is not a powerless little country we can bomb at will while pretending, as the Clintonistas, that “we kill because we care” and are only stopping genocide. The overused g-word comes in handy when others kill people. When we do it, it’s beneficial, democracy inspired loving murder. Kind of like Syria’s Assad, constantly charged with blowing up hospitals with “barrel bombs”, as opposed to the teeny-weeny itsy bitsy things we use to reduce thousands of humans to bloody pulp while destroying their nations. In the interest of free trade. In the free market. Where nothing is free.

The U.S. and its NATO puppets have been ringing Russia with military bases since the end of the Soviet Union and are increasing border threats to that nation, all the while calling it defensive postures against a supposed world dominating lust on the part of Putin, depicted as a menace in the way that comic book villains are depicted as threats to comic book heroes. Bulletin for the American innocent and unconscious: U.S. military bases border Russia, not the reverse.

Arrogance? The master race of self chosen people existed long before Trump came into the picture but the hit job on him says he’s an accomplice of Putin, and this is one of the cases in which the egomaniacal rich guy who talks military toughness represents an almost peace politics by comparison to the blood thirsty warheads of the other finance company. He speaks of friendship with, rather than wars against, Russia and China.

Rest assured, whatever negative superiority either one of the deadly duo may represent in some cases, neither offers anything but evil and whichever of them might win, Corporate Capital, Israel and the 1% will maintain power.

In the face of this dreadful choice offered voters, there is still the contradictory fact that one of the lesser evils is seen as a threat by the ruling evils. What? Has this brought the growth of a movement to vote for Jill Stein and the Green Party, a real alterative to the political economics of boom for some and doom for most? A vote for the greater good was never more necessary and that’s what a truly alternative left would and should be working for, but not yet. Why? Because believers in crackpot realism and the useful idiots who demand its practice, under which we would still have slavery, remain innocently swept up in fear or cynically in the employ of our rulers.

There is still some time for a slumbering left that truly stands for social transformation and not rearranging the deck chairs on the titanic, to become an alternative voice. A minority of Americans are already doing it, working hard to put the alternative offered by Jill Stein and the Green Party into the public debate. If and when the rest join them, this could be a truly historic election, and not for negative reasons. 

Friday, September 30, 2016

Trump Accused of Heavy Breathing Threat to Environment

Scientists from the Goldman Sachs laboratory charged Donald Trump with poisoning the atmosphere of little babies, puppies and kittens by his indulgence in racist sexist homophobic heavy breathing during the debate with glass ceiling victim Hillary Clinton.

“ His intake of breath could clearly be heard and the taking in of so much air is another selfish, demagogic, hitler like demand on the environment this despicable man and his deplorable storm troopers continue to practice with no regard for the respiratory systems of our children, pets and insects.” said group spokesperson Dr Pasqual von Garcia Messerschmitt.

Leading online members of the PPMAS* caucus joined in calling for an investigation of Trump’s racist, sexist and homophobic breathing practice. Recent graduate of the Institute of Eternal Internal Pain and Chair of the Committee to Promote Billionaire Benefactors of Deserving Identity Groups Chesney P. Blockmeister said “He clearly is sending messages to his Russian friend Putin that they won’t have to worry about American resistance once he is president since all his enemies will have suffocated from lack of air due to his dominance of the atmosphere we all depend on for our survival.”

*Pampered Privileged Micro Aggression Suffering

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Ann Coulter Explains Who The Real Racists Are

"The same people who move heaven and earth to make sure their kids aren’t blocked out of the right colleges by affirmative action, who couldn’t care less about the astronomical unemployment rate and rampant crime in the inner cities, who think there’s a lovefest going on between African Americans and the illegal aliens taking over their neighborhoods and jobs, are just showing off to other white people by calling Trump … “RACIST!”

Donald Trump has never been accused of racism in his life. Unlike self-righteous PC enforcers, who go to extraordinary lengths to avoid extensive contact with blacks, he’s hired lots of black people. His golf clubs famously admit blacks, Jews and Asians—and are often the only clubs in town that do.

Black celebrities as well as ordinary black Americans all say the same thing about Trump—that he respects them.

Jamiel Shaw, whose son was killed by an illegal alien, spoke at Trump’s first presidential rally, saying: “He’s the kind of man you would want to be your dad. He’s a nice guy. He put himself out there for black people. I know I can trust him.”

Mike Tyson said of Trump: “Listen: I’m a black motherf–ker from the poorest town in the country. I’ve been through a lot in life. And I know him. When I see him, he shakes my hand and respects my family. None of them—Barack, whoever—nobody else does that. They’re gonna be who they are and disregard me, my family. So I’m voting for him. If I can get 20,000 people or more to vote for him, I’m gonna do it.”

In 2006, long before Trump was thinking of running for president and was still a regular on “The Howard Stern Show,” Stern pressed him on whether Ivanka would ever date a black guy:
Stern: Would (Ivanka) ever date a black guy? That would not go over at Mar-a-Lago.
Trump: Yes, she would. She would. Yeah. Absolutely.
Stern: You would have no problem with that?
Trump: I would have no problem. I would have no problem. I would love that. That’d be wonderful.
Robin: He would love that.
Trump: The answer is: She would. She would have no problem.
And then in 2015, Trump decided to run for president as a Republican and, for the first time in his life, became a “racist.”

Saturday, September 10, 2016

When There Are No Glass Ceilings Lunacy Can Soar To New Heights

Legalienate Interviews Hillary Rodham Clinton

Legalienate:  Congratulations on your soaring campaign. You're now running neck and neck with Satan for the White House, although Satan's negatives are a bit lower than yours.

Hillary Clinton: Thank you.

Legalienate: Let's start with foreign policy. Before U.S. intervention Libya was a stable country with the highest standard of living in Africa. Now chaos reigns and ISIS marauds the beaches beheading people. This is widely cited as the "crown jewel" of your achievements as Secretary of State. What kind of policy is it?

Clinton:  I call it smart power.

Legalienate: What's smart about it?

Clinton: It doesn't rely solely on bombs, but uses diplomacy as a club, too.

Legalienate:  In ultimatums we trust?

Clinton:  Yes, of course. Say that would make a great message on our currency!

Legalienate:  Well, anything we can do to help get the word out. Now, about this matter of fostering stability by coup d'etat, when democratically-elected Manuel Zelaya was overthrown in Honduras, you said that holding post-coup elections would "render the question of Zelaya moot and give the Honduran people a chance to choose their own future." But hadn't the Honduran people already chosen their future by electing Zelaya?

Clinton: Not really, no. Democracy isn't just letting the people choose what they want. That's a child's view of elections. You also have to tell them what they need to accept. The Honduran people had been misled by anti-business policies like raising the minimum wage, so of course a more responsible government took its place. This wasn't really a "coup d'etat"; it was more like a sudden emergence of political wisdom.

Legalienate:  I see. How's that blood clot in your head?

Clinton:  Fine, great. I've never felt better. 

Legalienate:  We can tell.  Let's move on. . . .  .Ten years ago cancer patients were paying  $10,000 a year for their medications; now they're paying $10,000 a month. Why can't the U.S. government negotiate volume discounts on drug prices?

Clinton: Look, there's nothing wrong with making money, but there's plenty wrong with socialism. We are not Denmark.

Legalienate:  But even Donald Trump favors the government negotiating discounts with Big Pharma to give struggling seniors a break.

Clinton: That's exactly the kind of ultra-nationalist bullying that a Hillary Clinton administration will put a stop to!

Legalienate:  We don't doubt it. Let's turn to your political background. You backed your husband's crime bill, vastly expanding prison construction and establishing boot camps for juveniles, supported NAFTA, which cost the country nearly 700,000 jobs while U.S. wages plummeted, and you also supported the Commodity Futures Modernization Act, which exempted credit default swaps from regulation, helping usher in economic collapse. We have to admit that this is an extremely original interpretation of progressive politics.

Clinton:  Thank you.  I try to be creative.

Legalienate: Well, we have to give you an "A" for effort. For example, you've portrayed the National Security Agency's attempt to record, collect, and store every personal, political, and business communication in the world as a generous public service that we should learn to appreciate.

Clinton:  Yes. 

Legalienate: [German Chancellor] Angela Merkel should be grateful to us for tapping her cell phone.

Clinton: She should try to be a team player, yes. America is a beacon for good.

Legalienate:  Now your average speaking fee is $225,000. How can you relate to the average American?

Clinton:  As I've said, when my husband and I left the White House we were dead broke. I'm just an ordinary working Mom. Charging $5000 a minute for talks doesn't change that.

Legalienate:  Right. Let's talk about people you admire. You say you are inspired by the women of Pussy Riot.

Clinton:  Yes, very much so.

Legalienate:  Pussy Riot's claim to fame is having engaged in sexual exhibitionism and called church patriarchs "bitches" in front of the High Altar in the Cathedral of Christ the Savior in Moscow. This is heroic?

Clinton: You bet.

Legalienate: Donald Trump has called for settling our differences with Russia via diplomacy while you say that Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin "must be punished." Doesn't that carry a high risk of nuclear war?

Clinton:  He's a dictator!

Legalienate:  But he was democratically elected.

Clinton:  We've already covered this. Democracy means acting responsibly, not doing the people's bidding. That's demagoguery.

Legalienate: So the U.S.-sponsored coup d'etat against the elected president of Ukraine was . . . ?

Clinton:  Democracy.

Legalienate: One more foreign policy question. You say that both Israel and the U.S. share a thirst for freedom and democratic values. But the U.S. ultimately rejected "for whites only" while Israel refuses to reject "for Jews only." How can this be justified?

Clinton: Because Israel was ordained by God. It's in the Bible.

Legalienate:  Oh. .  . . .O.K. Let's wrap up. Missouri Senator Claire McCaskill has some very specific wishes vis-a-vis your husband, namely, "I don't want my daughter near him." How do you plan to use the U.S.'s "First Gentleman"?

Clinton:  He'll be in charge of improving conditions for women and girls. He says he's really looking forward to it.

Legalienate:  Naturally. Thank you for your time.

Note:  [Clinton had a concussion in December 2012, and was subsequently treated for a blood clot in her head - ed.]


Allen, Jonathan and Amy Parnes, "HRC - State Secrets and the Rebirth of Hillary Clinton," (Broadway Books, 2014)      

Featherstone, Eliza ed. "False Choices - The Faux Feminism of Hillary Rodham Clinton," (Verso, 2016)

Johnstone, Diana, "Queen of Chaos - The Misadventures of Hillary Clinton," (Counterpunch, 2015)